Nothing lasts forever, they say. Except for diamonds, perhaps—diamonds are forever. The other exception to the ‘nothing is forever’ rule are relationships, or at least that is what we have come to believe. Ask any girl or woman, and she will tell you that it’s true. But before you find that perfect relationship, you may end up with the wrong partner. There’s no formula to figure out if a particular relationship will last forever or not. You can only find out as you go along. But there are times when you can’t decide to continue to care about a person or let go of them.
You are not alone.
One such situation arrived in my life last year, when my boyfriend blocked me on all social media platforms and channels of communication, including WhatsApp and phone. It struck me out of the blue. I had no idea why that had happened or if we’d ever be back together. I was more confused when he unblocked me a few months later but didn’t contact me. What does it mean when your ex unblocks you, I wondered. I had no idea how to deal with that situation. It was very difficult to find answers to that question—why did my ex unblock me after months? It was an antagonizing episode — he unblocked me but made no contact.
Since then, I’ve found that many women face such problems in their lives. Just last week, one of my close friends texted, “he unblocked me but no contact.” I’ve helped many of my friends deal with such issues in the past. So, don’t worry; you’re not the only one who is facing this. And while it doesn’t make me happy seeing anyone in such a situation, I am going to talk about my experience of dealing with such situations because I know that almost every other person is facing this problem. It can help someone who really needs support to get through a difficult phase like this.
Many things come to mind when your partner unblocks you after blocking you following your break-up. “Why did my ex unblock me?”, most women ask themselves. Let me answer based on my experience. But before you start reading about the reasons, let me tell you that this is a complex problem. There could be more than one reason, so read the entire blog below before you arrive at a conclusion.
Why did your ex block you?
A lot of break-ups happen just after fights. When people fight, they are charged up and make bad decisions. Often, the partner who feels more aggrieved or believes he has been wronged ends up blocking the other. This happens quite often with men, so don’t be surprised if your boyfriend has blocked you.
It is a known fact that men have more ego than women. This is not a complaint or criticism. In fact, some women like that trait because it comes from their instinct to be tough and provide for their families. Women are more flexible and, hence, they are open to having discussions to resolve problems. In the case of men, their ego comes in the way of a constructive discussion to resolve complex problems.
If your boyfriend blocked you after a bad fight and has unblocked you now, it could be because he has realized that he was wrong. He could have thought about the problem he had with you after his anger subsided following the break-up and reached the conclusion that he had made the wrong decision by blocking you. In many cases, men realize their mistakes after months of introspection. Sometimes, they come to the realization that it was their mistake that led to the break, not yours.
Was your relationship with your ex healthy? Read the Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship here.
For example, one of my friends recently told me that her boyfriend had broken up with her because she was still friends with one of her former boyfriends. It was a classic case of insecurity. When feeling insecure, the best way to resolve the problem is by communicating with your partner and discussing the issue with them. However, in most cases, couples break up because of a lack of trust. That’s what happened to her. But when she did not get along with her former boyfriend after the break-up, the guy realized that doubting her commitment to the relationship was his mistake. But the story doesn’t end there. “He unblocked me but hasn’t reached out,” my friend told me a few weeks back. “He unblocked me but won’t talk to me,” she told me as her voice choked with emotion.
If your boyfriend has unblocked you but still hasn’t reached out:
The first thing I’ll tell you is to be brave. If your boyfriend has unblocked you, it probably means that he has realized his mistake. That’s a good sign, right?
As I said earlier, men are not as flexible as women. We know how to prevent a situation from worsening, even if it involves a compromise. But men are uncompromising. That’s a very good characteristic but not an ideal one when it comes to relationships. This also plays up when it comes to reconciliation. Once they have stopped talking to you after a fight, they often don’t start talking to you even when they have realized that it was their mistake. They are too proud to accept their mistake. Accepting mistakes is taboo for most men, so they keep quiet even when they believe it is their mistake. That could be one reason behind your boyfriend’s silence even after he has unblocked you.
But, as I said, that is just one reason. There could be other reasons as well.
1) He unblocked you because he is not angry anymore.
It takes months for people to recover from a break-up. Needless to say that it is a very painful experience for most people. But after some time has passed, people usually forgive their partner, who they blame for the break-up or for things not working out. If your boyfriend has unblocked you suddenly but hasn’t contacted you, it could mean that he is no longer angry but doesn’t see a future with you. Maybe the break-up has made him feel that the two of you are not compatible and can’t lead a happy life together.
Your ex may or may not contact you in the future, but his silence after unlocking you suggests that, at least for now, he is not interested in getting back into a relationship with you. He probably doesn’t feel the need to cut you off any longer but is still not in the frame of mind that allows him to talk to you. You may have felt better after he unblocked you, but you must not act on the urge to talk to him – not until he drops a hint.
2) He thinks blocking you was immature.
When couples break up after a bad fight, the level of animosity is high. As I said earlier, people make bad decisions when they are upset with their partners. When your boyfriend blocked you, he did it because he was very upset. But, in some cases, people realize that they have overreacted in anger and want to roll back some of the decisions they had made in haste. If he has unblocked you, it could be because he thinks it was immature to do so. He probably feels that the decision was made in anger and did not reflect well on him as a person. He may have no intentions of talking to you ever again but does not want to be seen as an immature person by you or your friends.
If you realize that your ex has unblocked you for this reason, you must not reach out to him on your own. As I said, he may not be interested in continuing the relationship. If that’s the case, you must not compromise with your self-respect by talking to him on your own. You may be setting yourself up for a rude shock. If you ask me, you must not put yourself through that experience. It’s not worth it.
3) He is undecided about you and the relationship.
After couples break up, they revisit the memories of the past – the good time they had spent together. The intimate moments of love and innocence are difficult to erase. Often, such memories remain with you for a very long time, if not forever. If your boyfriend has unblocked you after a nasty break-up, it could be because he has been overwhelmed by emotions and is unwilling to let go of you and the relationship just yet. He may be confused and undecided about the future. The cause of the break-up of the relationship may still be alive, and that is why he hasn’t contacted you.
You must have heard about the stories of couples resuming their relationship after a bad break-up and some time apart. There have also been instances when people have come back together even after legal separation. If you have, this must not sound very strange. Your partner may still be trying to figure out his feelings. That doesn’t mean he isn’t upset with you. All it means is that, after some thought, the cause of his anger may seem insignificant to him compared to the good time he spent with you.
As we know from our lived experiences, emotions are confusing. With hormones, they form a deadly combination. He may still need some time to figure out what he wants from you and the relationship. At your end, you must be patient because rushing into an ill-thought patch-up with your boyfriend, who is still not sure how he feels about you, may leave you in pain again at some point. In such a case, you must wait for your ex to reach out first because he was the one who blocked you. It’s only logical to expect him to write to you first. You can expect him to reach out to you as and when he is sure about his feelings about you and his expectations from the relationship.
There’s no blue book of options. So let me tell you how I dealt with it. My story isn’t very different from yours. I was restless. “Why did my ex unblock me?,” was perhaps the only question I had in my mind then. It made me angry and hopeful at the same time. “Why would my ex unblock me if he had no intention to talk to me,” I kept asking my friends who had been through such experiences.
Talk to somebody about it.
Talking to friends helped me, and that’s my first piece of advice to you. The only people who know your boyfriend apart from you are your friends. They have spent time with the both of you, assuming that you had common friends or introduced your friends to each other. Talking to friends helps reduce the loneliness you may face and acts as a means of communication with your boyfriend or partner. Friends often convey messages and feelings and help you understand how your partner sees things on his side.
The other thing that helps in such situations is patience. I know that patience is an overused word, but it’s necessary in this case. You’re hurt and emotionally vulnerable after your break-up. You do not want to rush into something that you regret later. You can start seeing people if you’re doing well emotionally but avoid doing so for a while if you’re not. In my case, my boyfriend blocked me for over five months before eventually unblocking me. As I started feeling better around three months after my break-up, I started going out with friends and kept an open mind. I couldn’t wait forever. My self-respect and pride wouldn’t allow me to do that.
When my boyfriend eventually unblocked me after nearly five months, I did not text on my own. With the conversions I had with my friends, I learnt that he felt it was immature to block me and was unsure about my feelings. I thought it was best to let him figure out what he felt about me and our relationship. Not texting him ensured that I or my emotions did not influence his decision.
Is it really worth it?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with moving on in your life. After all, it was not you who blocked them. It was the other way around, and it is up to them to reach out. It would be best if you did not give up your self-respect at any cost. From my experience, I can tell you that it’s not worth it. You deserve all the happiness you can get in life.